I've been a very quietly downcast fan this season. Moody. Very.
It's not easy watching the team play through the season so far the way they've been doing. It hurts. And to me, it hurts even more that at times, I do not feel like watching them play. I know, it may be very un-fan-like, but that doens't mean that I do not follow the game. The only thing in my mind, normally, when I feel this way, is that I know that I would become the typical fan - running high on passion, and then feel absolutely dejected with the team after witnessing a disappointing result.
And I hate feeling that way.
I hate feeling that dislike towards the team, wearing that annoyingly scrutinizing glasses looking at every single pass, every single run, every single touch, shouting swear words to Kuyt or Voronin or whomever quietly in my red heart, all in the pretense of being of a "proper" Liverpool fan - thoughtful, knowledgeable, well-spoken. I hate that because I don't want to do that.
I hate it every single time I feel that I hate the team or any specific player. Or Rafa even.
I hate it that I feel that way towards the club. Or anyone, even anything related to the club.
And that is why, a few times this season - Sunderland, Lyon at home - I didn't feel like watching the match. I just wasn't prepared for another bad result.
This may be a typical out-of-towner's reaction, something that separates them from the fortunate and blessed ones to have been born in and is currently breathing the Liverpool air. This may have made me just another fan. Not a supporter.
Not a supporter indeed.
I hate it when I can't show that I love the club. And I hate it that I'm not in a position to present or express my love and passion to the club in a way that those who are closer to the club would be able to acknowledge, let alone appreciate. I hate it that I feel that I have to do a whole lot more than many others to just have a say, an opinion even.
I may not know all the streets in Liverpool.
I may not know the names of the groundsmen or ball boys on matchdays.
I may not know all the names of the 96 who lost their lives at Hillsborough.
I may have followed Tottenham Hotspur when Gascoigne, Nayim, Lineker, Thorsvedt and Klinsman was there.
I may not be able to even set foot on Liverpool for the rest of my life.
But I know one thing.
That I don't walk alone. That I won't walk alone.
That I'll never walk alone.
And no matter how different I am than those who were born in the land of legends, who breath the air of history, who live the lives of glory, I'll never walk alone.
Because all these people, in all their differences and privileges, would feel as lucky, if not more lucky than I do.
Because we all walk together. And we'll never walk alone.
So this is me throwing my hat off, my bowing in respect, my three finger salute to all you fortunate and blessed souls there.
Though your dreams be tossed and blown, walk on. Walk on with hope in your heart. Because I'm right behind you.
And you'll never walk alone.
It's not easy watching the team play through the season so far the way they've been doing. It hurts. And to me, it hurts even more that at times, I do not feel like watching them play. I know, it may be very un-fan-like, but that doens't mean that I do not follow the game. The only thing in my mind, normally, when I feel this way, is that I know that I would become the typical fan - running high on passion, and then feel absolutely dejected with the team after witnessing a disappointing result.
And I hate feeling that way.
I hate feeling that dislike towards the team, wearing that annoyingly scrutinizing glasses looking at every single pass, every single run, every single touch, shouting swear words to Kuyt or Voronin or whomever quietly in my red heart, all in the pretense of being of a "proper" Liverpool fan - thoughtful, knowledgeable, well-spoken. I hate that because I don't want to do that.
I hate it every single time I feel that I hate the team or any specific player. Or Rafa even.
I hate it that I feel that way towards the club. Or anyone, even anything related to the club.
And that is why, a few times this season - Sunderland, Lyon at home - I didn't feel like watching the match. I just wasn't prepared for another bad result.
This may be a typical out-of-towner's reaction, something that separates them from the fortunate and blessed ones to have been born in and is currently breathing the Liverpool air. This may have made me just another fan. Not a supporter.
Not a supporter indeed.
I hate it when I can't show that I love the club. And I hate it that I'm not in a position to present or express my love and passion to the club in a way that those who are closer to the club would be able to acknowledge, let alone appreciate. I hate it that I feel that I have to do a whole lot more than many others to just have a say, an opinion even.
I may not know all the streets in Liverpool.
I may not know the names of the groundsmen or ball boys on matchdays.
I may not know all the names of the 96 who lost their lives at Hillsborough.
I may have followed Tottenham Hotspur when Gascoigne, Nayim, Lineker, Thorsvedt and Klinsman was there.
I may not be able to even set foot on Liverpool for the rest of my life.
But I know one thing.
That I don't walk alone. That I won't walk alone.
That I'll never walk alone.
And no matter how different I am than those who were born in the land of legends, who breath the air of history, who live the lives of glory, I'll never walk alone.
Because all these people, in all their differences and privileges, would feel as lucky, if not more lucky than I do.
Because we all walk together. And we'll never walk alone.
So this is me throwing my hat off, my bowing in respect, my three finger salute to all you fortunate and blessed souls there.
Though your dreams be tossed and blown, walk on. Walk on with hope in your heart. Because I'm right behind you.
And you'll never walk alone.
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